HUMOR BLOGGING THE WAR IN ISRAEL, Wednesday August 9th

French President Jacques Chirac says he will not push for Hezbollah to get out of Lebanon. That's not a surprise coming from someone who isn't even pushing to get Hezbollah out of France.

French President Jacques Chirac says "the most immoral of solutions would be to give up on an immediate cease-fire"... so, France is giving up on an immediate cease-fire.

Top 10 French Middle East Peace Proposals

10) Build cushy, soft, and delicious buffer between Israel and Lebanon: "The Marzipan Line"

9) Lull combatants into deep sleep with 4 1/2 hour French movie filed mostly with scenes where nobody talks

8) Blame everything on Alfred Dreyfuss, (hey, it worked once!)

7) Distract everyone in the region by proposing the end of guaranteed jobs and pensions

6) Send in their most revered peace envoy: Jerry Lewis

5) Offer to re-settle West Bank Arabs on the Left Bank... oh wait, they're already there

4) Keep Hezbollah aggressions in check with steady diet of vintage wine and cheese

3) Just hand everything over to Germany, (hey they tried it once!)

2) Delight Israelis and Arabs alike by evicting Suha Arafat from her multi-million dollar Paris apartment

1) Tell everyone to run away


AND IN OTHER NEWS...

Robin Williams Rehab
Actor/comedian Robin Williams is seeking treatment for alcoholism. Before checking himself to rehab, Williams was heard ranting about how "f**king Mel Gibson has caused all the wars in the world."

Robin Williams Rehab II
Actor Robin Williams is seeking treatment for alcoholism. Williams started drinking again to cope with the fact that the only roles he plays these days are creepy serial killers.

Clarett Busted
Police found former Ohio State star Maurice Clarett carrying four loaded guns and wearing a bullet-proof vest after a highway chase in Columbus last night. Clarett explained he needed the guns and vest because he was on his way to a meeting with his agent.

Burstyn Nomination
Ellen Burstyn has been nominated for a best supporting actress Emmy for a 14-second, two-line performance in an HBO movie. Usually to get so much recognition for so little work you have to be a Congressman.