HUMOR BLOGGING THE WAR IN ISRAEL, Monday July 31st

Israel's cabinet has okayed a plan to expand its ground offensive against Hezbollah in Lebanon. As proof of how successful campaign has been so far, the Israelis are pointing to the number of Hezbollah guerillas killed, and the fact that even MSNBC is getting better ratings.

Now that Israel has decided to expand the ground war in Lebanon, Syrian President Bashar al-Assad has directed his military to heighten its readiness... to run the other way.

Israel now says it will only end its attacks in Lebanon when Hezbollah returns its kidnapped soldiers and Mel Gibson returns his Oscars.

Republican Senator Chuck Hagel is calling on the White House to force Israel to end its attacks in Lebanon, or else "we risk alienating all our friends in the Arab world." He's got a point; it's got to be real tough for those three Arab guys right now.

Sources say Israel's air strikes will resume "in full force" after a 48-hour suspension to allow refugees to move north and to observe the Major League Baseball trading deadline.

Hezbollah did not shoot a single rocket into Israel Monday. It's either because they were observing a cease fire, or their Iranian repairman had the day off.

AND IN OTHER NEWS...

Top 10 New Mel Gibson Movies in Production

10) Shame and Prejudice

9) What Jappy Women Want

8) Schindler's Big Mistake

7) We Were Soldiers… in all the Wars Started by Jews

6) Kikes on a Plane!

5) Payback the Cheap Jews

4) Conspiracy Theory II: Just Blame the Jews

3) The Merchant of Venice II: Revenge of the Jew

2) The Chronicles of Hezbollah

1) Lethal Circumcision

Mel's Penance
Mel Gibson has entered an alcohol rehab program after his arrest for drunk driving. And to cure him of his Anti-Semitism, his roommate at the clinic is Hezbollah leader Sheik Nasrallah.

Mets Trade
Just before the trading deadline, the Mets picked up pitchers Roberto Hernandez and Oliver Perez from the Pirates for Xavier Nady. The deal gives New York some extra bullpen help and allows them to avoid going to the postseason with a player who has a French name.