HUMOR BLOGGING THE WAR IN ISRAEL, Tuesday July 25th

Critics are asking the White House why it's supplying Israel with weapons to destroy Beirut while at the same time paying for the rebuilding of the city. The Bush administration is reacting by asking Israel to bomb New Orleans.

Experts say Israel is waiting for the perfect moment to fully invade Lebanon, like when the international news media loses interest in the story. So, the IDF probably just needs to wait until Christie Brinkley gets married again.

Hezbollah continues to deny that it's using civilians as human shields in Lebanon. However, the local Arabic papers continue to run Hezbollah want ads for anyone over 350 pounds.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice is proposing a combined Turkish and Egyptian military force to stabilize the situation in southern Lebanon. The U.N. would call that a peacekeeping force, but Hezbollah would probably call it "reinforcements."

AND IN OTHER NEWS...

Special School Mergers
Several state-run schools for the blind are considering cost-cutting mergers with schools for the deaf. Of course institutes for the blind and deaf don't always save money, just look at the U.N.

Cloning Clown
Disgraced scientist Hwang Woo-suk says he used about $3 million of government grant money in a failed attempt to clone pre-historic mammoths. It's the biggest waste of money on a supposedly scientific endeavor since Star Jones' gastric bypass.

Self Image
New studies show that an equal number of white and black women are unhappy with their looks. It's just that all the white women think their butts are too big and all the black women think their butts aren't big enough.