Cuban Summit
Leaders from Iran, North Korea, Syria, and Venezuela are participating in a summit in Cuba. Also attending are the Joker, the Hob Goblin, and Lex Luthor.

German Rabbis
Three men have been ordained as Rabbis in Germany for the first time since World War II. They will now go where they're needed most; to perform overflow high holiday services in synagogues on Long Island.

Islam vs. Benedict
Several Muslim leaders are expressing anger over a speech Pope Benedict XVI recently made that was critical of Islam. Arabs are mostly furious about the increased workload now that now they're going to have to start killing Jews AND Catholics.

Ford Buyouts
Ford has offered all 75,000 of its hourly workers employment buyouts. The best part of the deal is that they'll each be given a free Toyota.

Oldest Writing
Archaeologists believe a 3,000-year-old stone slab just discovered in Veracruz, Mexico is the oldest written tablet ever discovered in the Western Hemisphere. The ancient text describes the best way to sneak over the border to California.