Top 5 Quotes from Rep. Patrick Kennedy's first post-rehab News Conference

5) "I've been an addict all my life... and a few weeks at a cushy country club rehab center have definitely scared me straight."

4) "My cousin John got the looks, Caroline got the brains... I got the drugs."

3) "You know when you complain about Congress and say things like: 'What are they, on drugs?!?' Well, now you know."

2) "This isn't exactly something I was born into, but I will say that my baby formula was 180 proof."

1) "I want to thank Rush Limbaugh for being gentle with me, not on his show, I mean when we were sharing a room in rehab."

Stocks Slump
Experts say the Dow lost nearly 200 points Monday because of high gas prices and rising interest rates. We've had high gas prices and rising interest rates for years now; imagine what will happen when the market finds out George W. Bush is the President.

Abbas Plan
Palestinian President Mahmoud has given Hamas 10 days to accept a proposal that calls for Israelis and Palestinians to live side by side in separate states. Hamas is expected to approve the plan since it doesn't say anything about not being able to kill people.

Scary Day
Tuesday is 6/6/06, usually a day when people would be afraid that Satan will take over the Earth... you know, if he hadn't done that already.

Conspiracy Convention
The two-day "9/11 Truth" conspiracy theory convention wrapped up in Chicago last weekend... but not before a farewell address from Elvis.