Brangelina Baby
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have had a baby girl. Pictures of the baby are not available, but the afterbirth will be featured in this week's National Enquirer.

Baby Name
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have named their baby girl "Shiloh Nouvel Jolie-Pitt." They decided to give her an exotic name, because otherwise she'll just be another face in the crowd her whole life.

Colombia's Elections
Law-and-order President Alvaro Uribe was re-elected in a landslide Sunday in Colombia's national elections. Perhaps now the bandits and murderers in Colombia will learn to let the drug kingpins work in peace.

Memorial Day Remembrance
Monday is Memorial Day, when millions of Americans remember soldiers killed in battle and President Bush tries to remember where the Hell he was from 1968 to 1975.

Snow to Go?
Treasury Secretary John Snow is reportedly being forced out for insulting the radical religious wing of the Republican party. He offended their devout beliefs when he said he didn't think the latest Bush tax cuts were a wise move.

Minutemen Fence
Volunteers gathered at a border ranch Saturday to help the "Minutemen" civilian border-patrol build a security fence. The White House is delighted by this development; if Americans can build their own security fence, they can provide for their own healthcare, education, and police as well!