Da Vinci Code Panned
Film reviewers are panning the film version of "The Da Vinci Code." Critics cite the movie's length, confusing plot, and the fact that a scary albino monk threatened to kill them if they wrote a good review.

Senate on English
The U.S. Senate voted to make English the official national language Thursday. It's not exactly an impeachment of President Bush, but it's darn close.

Dear Benedict
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has now sent a letter to Pope Benedict XVI. Apparently the letter is full of advice on how the Pope should call for the death of the guy who wrote "The Da Vinci Code."

Gay Marriage Fight
After a Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, Democratic Senator Russ Feingold, who opposed the amendment, lectured Republican Chairman Arlen Specter on the constitution, to which Specter said, "I don't need to be lectured by you. You are no more a protector of the Constitution than I am... but you are devastatingly attractive."

New Clinton Book
Bill Clinton announced on Wednesday that he has signed a deal for another book, this one about public service. Of course, he'll have to do some public service before he can start writing about it.

Spade-Locklear Breakup
Heather Locklear has split up with David Spade. Locklear just got tired of explaining to people why she was dating David Spade.

Top 10 Things Overheard on the Set of "Pride and Prejudice"

10) "Keep away from Donald Sutherland's trailer after sundown... really."

9) "I need more frilly lace!"

8) "No Matthew, I don't think Mr. Darcy would steal the show in the dance scene by doing the 'funky robot.'"

7) "Is this the prequel to 'Seven Brides for Seven Brothers'?"

6) "I thought I told the makeup people to cover up all the actors' tattoos!"

5) "This reminds me of the last season of 'Who Wants to Marry a Millionaire?"

4) "What's my motivation for liking Mr. Wickham? I mean he doesn't even have a pimped-out horse and carriage."

3) "Why didn't they just go on J-Date?"

2) "Why does Lydia fall for military guys? Didn't they have the New York Times back then?"

1) "This movie has convinced me; even though I'm already a studio chief, I think I should read my first book."