Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Medicare Tour
President Bush is touring the country, urging seniors to sign up for the new Medicare drug plan. That's because over-medicated Americans have always been his top supporters.

Iran Letter Latest
It turns out the letter Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sent to President Bush was 18 pages long. No wonder the White House rejected it; President Bush hasn't tried to read anything that long since college.

Blaine Stunt
David Blaine held his breath for seven minutes after a week in a watery cage in New York's Lincoln Center. New Yorkers weren't impressed because most of them have to hold their breath for a lot longer than seven minutes whenever they ride the subway.

Sex Survey
According to a new MSNBC sex survey, 67% of women say they almost always have orgasms.... and 100% of men say they really don't give a damn.

Sex Survey II
According to a new MSNBC survey, 80% of women are more likely than men to say what they want during sex... but men are 80% more likely to actually get what they want during sex.

Morning After Pill Campaign
A new ad campaign advising women to get advance prescriptions for the "morning-after pill" is titled "Accidents Happen." The poster features a baby picture of Gilbert Gottfried.

Anderson on 60 Minutes
Anderson Cooper has signed a deal to contribute as many as five reports a year to "60 Minutes." CBS admits he's a little young to be a 60 Minutes correspondent, but he does have the required number of gray hairs.

Top 5 Things Anderson Cooper Will Say on 60 Minutes

5) "If Morely Safer were 10 years younger..."

4) "Let's get high on whatever Mike Wallace has in his medicine cabinet."

3) "Does standing next to Leslie Stahl make me look fat?"

2) "Christianne Amanpour is so 1998."

1) "I'm totally stretching my 15 Minutes of fame to the max!"

Bush Approval
Despite his low approval numbers, the White House says President Bush will not let the polls influence his policies. That makes sense, he doesn't let the voters do that either.

Star on the Outs?
Insiders say ABC will ask Star Jones to leave "The View" within the next few days. Of course, most of Star Jones left the show after she got her stomach stapled.

Whoopi on the Radio
Whoopi Goldberg's new radio show, "Wake Up with Whoopi," will be aimed at female listeners... because there aren't any men alive who would want to wake up with Whoopi.


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