Letter to Bush
The good news is Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sent President Bush a letter this weekend. The bad news is it was a chain letter.

America's Most Wanted
Newly-named "10 Most Wanted" fugitive Warren Jeffs is described as 6-feet four-inches tall and 155-pounds. The FBI is desperate to capture Jeffs and ask him: "How do you do it?"

United Recruitment Videos
United Airlines is now showing passengers a military recruitment video on many flights. It's a brilliant idea, since flying United is enough to make anyone want to learn how to kill people.

Top 5 Shocking Moments in the "7th Heaven" Series Finale

5) Camden family finally admits they're all Satanists

4) Entire episode actually just an ad for "What About Brian?" on ABC

3) Special guest star: Courtney Love

2) 20-minute incestuous orgy scene

1) The part when the WB proves that there is someone actually still watching this show

Foggo Leaves
Kyle "Dusty" Foggo is stepping down from the CIA amid allegations he cavorted with prostitutes provided by a defense contractor. Foggo denies the allegations, pointing out that if he wanted to associate with hookers he would have worked with Congress.

Kidman Loves Cruise
Actress Nicole Kidman says she still loves ex-husband Tom Cruise... and she always will as long as the checks keep clearing.

Darfur Riots
Angry mobs in Darfur have begun attacking UN interpreters and aid workers. Actually, they just want to punish whoever's responsible for tying their entire fate to George Clooney.