Rove Indictment?
Experts believe presidential advisor Karl Rove will be indicted this week, because he described his latest testimony before the grand jury as "Hell." But actually, Rove only said that because they wouldn't let him eat any Twinkies while on the stand.

Bonds Celebrations
Commissioner Bud Selig says Major League Baseball will not mark Barry Bonds' passing Babe Ruth's 714 home run mark with any celebrations... they're going to leave that to the pharmaceutical companies.

Gas Price Rebate?
Republicans in the Senate want to ease America's gas price pain by paying us each $100. Great, now Congress is treating us the same way they treat their hookers!

Top 5 Things $100 Buys You Nowadays

5) 7 gallons of premium

4) 3 happy meals and a supersize fries

3) 15 minutes worth of a college education

2) Half a bleacher seat ticket at Wrigley Field

1) 5 minutes alone with your Congressman