Monday, May 15, 2006

Mother's Day Goof
I was really nervous because I forgot to call my mom on Mother's Day. But luckily, my phone company has a special offer where I pay them $5 and they send my mom doctored government documents that say I did call.

Top 5 Signs Your Phone is Being Tapped

5) You keep hearing little clicks on the line every time you order take-out falafel

4) You're known to make outrageous statements in public like: "These gas prices are outrageous!"

3) The cops just happen to search your house every time you watch a Sean Penn movie on cable

2) Your monthly phone bill has a mysterious new "government reporting fee" for $3.99

1) You're an American not currently working in the Bush administration

White House Mother's Day
It was a touching Mother's Day at the White House. President Bush gave his mom a call on the only phone in America that actually isn't tapped.

Cheney Mother's Day
To honor his wife on Mother's Day, Vice President Cheney gave her the most meaningful gift he could: a bulletproof vest.

Busy Day
As usual, Mother's Day is the busiest day for America's phone companies... well, it's the second busiest next to the day when they have to turn all of our call records over to the government.

Busy Signals
Millions of Americans were unsuccessful in their attempts to get through to their moms on this Mother's Day. That's because every elderly woman in America was calling the government with questions about Medicare Part D.

Indonesia Volcano
Mount Merapi in Indonesia appears close to erupting, in what could be an extremely deadly situation. Luckily, the U.S. is offering to give everyone advance notice of the volcano's next move by tapping all its phones.


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