Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Verizon Denial
Verizon is denying it gave the government the call records for all of its customers. It insists it only violated the privacy of the customers who were late with their bills.

Guard Numbers
During his address on illegal immigration Monday night, President Bush said, "It is important for Americans to know that we have enough Guard forces to win the war on terror, respond to natural disasters, and help secure the border." But it would be even more important if President Bush would say something that was true.

Speech Goof
CNN mistakenly took the President live in the Oval Office while he was still rehearsing his immigration speech Monday night. Actually, it's impossible not to make that mistake since Bush is still rehearsing to be President.

Top 5 Signs President Bush's Immigration Speech Didn't Win Anyone Over

5) Karl Rove is telling everyone how great a speech it was

4) Millions of illegal aliens just registered Democrat

3) That vein in Lou Dobbs neck is still bulging

2) National Guard troops are now volunteering to go to Iraq

1) Who cares what he says? Gas prices are still over $3!

Wi-Fi Central Park
New York City says Central Park will have wireless internet access by the end of July. That's nice, but maybe they should have a few clean bathrooms first.

Britney Leaves Kabbalah
Britney Spears posted a message on her website this week saying that she is no longer studying Kabbalah. Well, that just ruined the curve for the rest of her class.

Bush Gifts
Among the gifts President Bush received last year were an iPod from Bono, a $5,000 bicycle and custom poker chips. But he broke the iPod after falling off the bicycle on his way to playing poker with Bill Bennett.

Girls and Math
U.S. Education Secretary Margaret Spellings is launching a study to learn why girls are not pursuing careers in math and science. She also announced that she's going to hire "some geeky guy from MIT" to help her plow through the data.

Bush and Cheney Wealth
According to tax forms, President and Mrs. Bush have assets totaling about $20 million and Vice President and Mrs. Cheney have $94 million... which is a good thing because it's always embarrassing to have more money than your boss.

Bush and Cheney Wealth II
According to tax forms President and Mrs. Bush have assets totaling about $20 million and Vice President and Mrs. Cheney have $94 million. Well, at least we know that it really does pay to be a lying scumbag.

Medical Prodigy
A 6 year-old boy in Mexico is fighting to get into an American medical school, after studying on his own and becoming an expert on osteoporosis, diabetes and anemia. But America is only interested in him if he knows how to wash dishes and work for $1.50 an hour.


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