Monday, June 12, 2006

Gay Bashing?
A popular gay singer was attacked Saturday night in Manhattan Saturday night. It happened in the East Village, so police believe the singer may have been attacked for not being gay enough.

Camilla's Father Dies
Princess Camilla's father, Major Bruce Shand, died Sunday at the age of 89. What killed Shand is unknown at this time, but it could have something to do with the fact his daughter turned out to be the ugly broad who broke up the royal couple.

Sailor Killed
A Navy chief petty officer home on leave from the Middle East was shot and killed by a carjacker in Dallas this weekend. Democrats are now calling for America's complete withdrawal from Texas.

Gaza Deaths
Israel is apologizing for the deaths of seven Arabs at a Gaza beach on Friday. They were killed by accident by Israeli shells minutes before they would have been killed on purpose by other Arabs for wearing bathing suits in public.

Tony Awards
The Tony Awards were held Sunday night. This is when we honor and celebrate the most brilliant talents in the world; the guys who get widows from New Jersey to plunk $115 apiece for tickets to a stage version of a bad movie.

Mexico Beats Iran
In World Cup action, Mexico beat Iran 3-1 Sunday. The game prompted Lou Dobbs to remind everyone how illegal immigration is more dangerous than nuclear weapons.

Puerto Rican Day Parade
Millions of people turned out for the Puerto Rican Day parade up 5th Avenue Sunday. 2 Million were there to watch the marchers and one million people are still stuck in crosstown traffic from yesterday morning.

Top 5 Things Overheard at the Puerto Rican Day Parade

5) "Hey, his car horn doesn’t play 'la cucaracha'… let’s get him!"

4) "There are 30 frightened looking Hasidim here who didn’t know the Salute to Israel Parade was LAST week!"

3) "There are 2 million Puerto Ricans here, and 3 million Puerto Ricans watching the World Cup at a bar on Pelham Parkway."

2) "How dare those building owners board up their windows… we brought our best bricks and everything!"

1) "I’ve got a great idea… after this, let’s tie up the Cross Bronx for 4 hours!"


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