Top 5 Michael Brown Email Subject Lines

5) "Harriet Miers Says I'm the Best FEMA Director Ever!"

4) "Where does Anderson Cooper get his Hurricane information... and his dress shirts?!?"

3) "Going to New Orleans... Do I need my raincoat?"

2) "Can I still take that job at Enron?"

1) "Why am I getting so much SPAM about people dying in New Orleans?"

Border Fence
California Congressmen Duncan Hunter wants to build a huge fence along the U.S.-Mexican border to keep out illegal aliens. The project is expected to cost $8 billion, but Hunter thinks we could do it for half that if we use illegal Mexican construction workers.

Muslim Fans Arrested
Five Muslim football fans are filing a complaint for being detained and questioned after they were seen praying at a Giants game in September. Police insist the men were suspicious because the only people who should be praying at Giants Stadium are Jets fans.

Top 5 Reasons More Americans are Retiring to College Towns

5) You can make a fortune on all the stuff the students throw out at the end of every semester

4) Underage students willing to pay top dollar if you get them beer

3) You can re-enroll and get on the student healthcare plan

2) Luckily, retirees aren't much older than most 8th-year senior college football stars

1) Just like the students, most of their spending money goes for drugs

NBC Crime Channel
NBC is launching an all-crime cable channel this coming January that will feature reality cop shows and dramas like "Law and Order." Of course, there already is an all-crime network on cable, it's called C-Span.

Free School
Yale's music school will stop charging tuition next year after receiving a $100-million donation. Of course, being musicians, the faculty almost blew the whole gift on booze, cigarettes, and old jazz albums.

Illiterate Coach
Former Montreal Canadiens coach Jacques Demers now admits he is illiterate. Luckily, not knowing how to read has actually been a job requirement in the NHL for 50 years.

Stuck in Home Depot
Paramedics had to rescue a man who was glued to a toilet seat at a Home Depot in Colorado. Geez, once they go in, it really is hard to get men out of that store!