Friday, August 05, 2005

Palmeiro Perjury?
Members of Congress are considering charging Orioles slugger Rafael Palmeiro with perjuring himself during Congressional hearings earlier this year. The Congressmen aren't angry that Palmeiro lied about taking steroids, but because he never gave them those free Viagra samples like he promised.

New Zawahri Tape
In a new video Ayman al-Zawahri says his terror group was behind the recent London bombings, even though there seems to be little evidence of any direct connection to al Qaeda. He continued to stretch his credibility by also claiming responsibility for the recent hurricanes, shark attacks, and Tom Cruise.

Roberts Secret Work
It turns out Supreme Court nominee John Roberts has worked both for the cosmetics industry and gay rights groups in the past. Roberts didn't publicize his work with the cosmetics industry, because he didn't want Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg to ask him for samples, and he didn't want to publicize his work for gay rights because he didn't want to get Justice Souter to ask him for samples.

Hezbollah Sanction
More than 50 U.S. senators want President Bush to designate Hezbollah's television station as a terrorist body... of course, these are also the Senators who want the same designation for PBS.

Crazy Flying Woman
A woman was arrested Wednesday for attempting to open an airplane exit door while on a United Airlines flight to Seattle. Since it appears she was trying to bail out on the flight before it landed, it's obvious the woman was a United executive.

Bush on Terror
President Bush says the London bombings mean we have to "stay on the offensive" against terrorism. So I guess the President thinks "staying on the offensive" means waiting to see what the terrorists do first.

Shuttle Repairs Done
NASA has decided that there will be no need to repair a tear in the thermal blanket on the Shuttle Discovery's hull. A blanket on the hull? Is this a space shuttle or a '72 ford pickup?

Top 5 Reasons Robert Novak Lost it on CNN Yesterday

5) Wanted to curse on National TV, so he could get his own show on satellite radio

4) Needed to do something to impress Dick Cheney

3) Finally realized that nobody wears three-piece suits anymore

2) Hoping to get some voice-over work for the next edition of "Grand Theft Auto"

1) Geez it was CNN, nobody was watching anyway


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