Jackson Case Lessons
While all the attention in the Michael Jackson case will be placed on the pop star, the jurors, and the news media itself, we should all try to remember the important lesson about justice this trial has taught us. It’s taught us that any 46-year old man in this country has the right to buy a multi-million dollar property, deck it out like an amusement park, invite 12-year old boys to sleep with him, and stock the place with porno mags and cheap wine! God Bless America!

Top 5 Reasons the Jury Acquitted Michael Jackson

5) Voting for a conviction meant those annoying Jackson fans would have followed them around forever

4) Now they won’t feel so awkward asking Jackson where he got those comfy pajama bottoms

3) No one would need to buy a book wanting to know why a juror convicted Michael Jackson!

2) If they’d convicted Jackson, they would have had to look at him for another two weeks during the penalty phase

1) Just wanted to see what it would look like when Nancy Grace’s head exploded

Michael’s Reaction I
While the not-guilty verdicts were read, Michael Jackson showed no emotion… but that’s only because he forgot to bring his “happy” and “relieved” faces from the plastic surgeon’s office.

Michael’s Reaction II
While leaving the courthouse after being acquitted on all counts, Michael Jackson waved to the cameras, smiled, and was discretely paid by several corporate lawyers not to yell, “I’m going to Disneyland!”

Jackson Case-News Media
The American news media is seen as a big loser in the case, as their ratings actually fell during the trial. But most news executives believe they will learn from their mistakes and do things better when Jackson is charged with the same thing next year.

Purcell Steps Down
Citing continued questions about his leadership, performance, and the negative attention it brought to the firm, Morgan Stanley CEO Philip Purcell has resigned. The Bush administration is now attempting to have this story censored under the Patriot Act.

Monster.com Founder Leaving
Jeff Taylor, who founded job search Web site Monster.com, is leaving the company in August for a “new opportunity.” Like most Americans, Taylor finally found his new job as soon as he stopped looking for one on Monster.com.

Supreme Court-Texas Case
The Supreme Court overturned the murder conviction of a Texas death-row inmate yesterday, on grounds that the jury selection was tainted by racial discrimination. The high court only allows racial discrimination to play a role in voter registration.