Wednesday, June 08, 2005

GM Layoffs
In order to be more competitive, General Motors says it will have to lay off 25,000 workers by 2008. If the layoffs don't work, management says it may have to do something really radical... like make better cars.

GM Layoffs II
GM says its biggest problem is its huge employee health care costs. CEO Rick Wagoner blames the unions for their unreasonable demands; like wanting to live.

GM Layoffs III
One of GM's problems is its union contract that requires it to provide health care to thousands of employees, even those who have been recently laid off. This is similar to its policy of paying 7-figure salaries to hundreds of its executives, even though none of them actually work.

GM Layoffs IV
GM promises to give laid-off employees everything they'll need to find a new job in auto making. That includes job counseling, good references, and a one-way plane ticket to China.

GM Layoffs V
GM says it will make 25,000 layoffs by 2008. Of course that's nothing compared to the Bush administration, which should be responsible for about two million layoffs by 2008.

Top 5 Things Overheard During the Bush/Blair Meeting

5) "Hey Tony! Got anymore of them phony memos I can use?"

4) "You know if we give Africa a lot more aid, we may get a lighter sentence after our war crimes trial"

3) "If you shut up about global warming, I'll give you this free air conditioner"

2) "Tony, would you guys be willing to take back Massachusetts?"

1) "You know George, following you has really destroyed my reputation and rendered me politically impotent... oh, who am I kidding? I can't stay mad at you!"

Medical Pot Reaction
The White House is praising this week's Supreme Court decision allowing the federal government to ban medical marijuana. President Bush sees the high court's decision to deny pain relief to thousands of Americans as a vote of confidence for his policies that deny 40 million Americans health care.

Top 5 Things Overheard in the New York Yankee Dugout

5) "Hey A-Rod, tell your shrink not to call you during the game"

4) "It's just too humid to play today"

3) "Now that I'm off steroids, losing doesn't make me so angry anymore"

2) "Running the bases makes me tired"

1) "Why do those other teams have to be so darn competitive?"

Bush/Kerry Grades
Newly released records show the supposedly more studious John Kerry had the same mediocre GPA as George W. Bush did when they both were at Yale. Of course, that means President Bush must be a lot smarter because he got the same grades without ever showing up for class!

Unemployable Grads
The number of recent college graduates still living at home without a real job is growing. But if the high-tuition liberal arts universities taught students real job skills, how would they get them to apply for their even higher-tuition grad schools?

Mental Illness
A new study shows 25% of all Americans suffer from mental illness, down from 28% a decade ago. Experts believe the reduction is due to more counseling, more psychiatric drugs, and the fact that the Red Sox finally won the World Series.

Mental Illness II
Many psychiatrists dispute the new study that says 25% of all Americans are mentally ill; insisting the number is more like 50%... and that only accounts for the people who voted for President Bush!


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