Koran Desecration
Thousands of Muslims are taking to the streets to protest reports of U.S. soldiers putting copies of the Koran on toilets in Afghanistan. It's not clear whether the crowds are angry about the disrespect for the Koran, or if they're just jealous of the fact that there are some people in Afghanistan who actually have toilets.

Pope Sainthood Fast Track
The Vatican is putting the late Pope John Paul II on the fast track to sainthood. Officials are working to document his miracles, including claims that he healed a man with a brain tumor, saved a dying child, and finally got the American news media to stop covering Paris Hilton for five minutes.

Wendy's Mystery Solved
It turns out the severed finger a woman claimed to have found in her Wendy's chili really belonged to one of her friends who lost the finger in a work accident. Anna Ayala had asked the man to bring it to her home. Geez, whenever I visit my friends, they usually just ask me to bring over a bottle of wine or something!