Derby Results
George Steinbrenner's horse Bellamy Road finished a disappointing seventh in yesterday's Kentucky Derby. Steinbrenner responded by firing all the Yankee pitching coaches.

Willbanks Explains it All
Runaway bride Jennifer Willbanks apparently took off because her fiance refused to have sex with her. Of course, the more dignified thing to do if your man won't have sex with you is to run for the Senate from New York.