Next Pope
Many experts believe the conservative College of Cardinals will choose a Black or Hispanic man to be the next Pope. But they fail to realize that the world's only right wing Blacks and Hispanics already have positions in the Bush administration.

Top 5 Worst Papal Names of All-Time

5) Pope Shaquille VII

4) Pope Guilty V

3) Pope Suburban IV

2) Pope John Paul George Ringo II

1) Pope Dishonorius IV

Pope Poll
According to a poll, 77% of American Catholics believe that John Paul II was the best pope the church has ever had. The other 23% just didn't want to vote for a sequel.

Box Office Leader
The number one movie at the box office this week is "Sin City," which made $28 million. The film was the obvious choice for everyone who didn't care about the Pope.

Teens & Oral Sex
A new study shows most teens feel more comfortable having oral sex than intercourse. The survey explains two major trends: falling teen pregnancy rates, and higher sales of mouthwash.

MIT Computer Project
MIT professors and students are trying to create a laptop computer for children in developing nations that would cost only $100 apiece. And Michael Jackson is trying to create Web cams that he can give to all of those children for free.

Manhattan Real Estate
The average price of a Manhattan apartment is now $1.2 million; without rats it's $2.2 million.

Osama's Choice
Documents show that Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was not Osama Bin Laden's first choice to lead the Iraqi insurgency... but he settled for him when it turned out Michael Moore was not available.

Elephant Exercise
Workers at the Alaska Zoo are looking for a huge treadmill for their elephant Maggie, who does not get much exercise due to the cold weather. Luckily, Kirstie Alley is selling hers on eBay.