Top 5 Reasons President Bush Chose Kellogg's CEO Carlos Gutierrez to be Commerce Secretary

5) Knowledge of how to sugar-coat things will come in handy when he makes economic reports

4) Every time pesky Democrats try to stop tax cuts for the wealthy, he can use brilliant "leggo my Eggo" argument against them

3) The way this economy is going, everyone will be eating cereal three meals a day pretty soon anyway

2) Despite making Fruit Loops, Bush was reasonably confident he doesn't support gay marriage

1) No matter how bad the trade deficit gets, he can arrange for Tony the Tiger to convince Americans that things are grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat!

Royalty Battle
The children who provided backup vocals on Pink Floyd's hit song "The Wall" 25 years ago, are now asking for royalties. This incident proves that while you may not "need no education," it's still a good idea to get a good lawyer.

Supreme Court Gay Marriage
The Supreme Court has decided not to hear a case challenging gay marriage in Massachusetts because the conservative plaintiffs could not prove they were an "injured party." Actually, gay marriage has produced an injured party... but that would be the Democratic Party.

Supreme Court Pot
The Supreme Court will consider a federal law banning the use of medical marijuana. The court is taking the case not because the issue is important constitutionally, but because all the old and sick justices are hoping that bringing the pot-smoking plaintiffs in the courtroom will give them a little contact high.

NBA Reform
After last week's chair-throwing riot in Detroit, the NBA is still looking into making major rules changes at all arenas. But so far, all the league has come up with is a proposal to ban chairs.

Dollar Value
The dollar continues to lose value... driving prices up for gas, overseas travel, and it apparently it now costs more than $400 million to come up with even one decent presidential candidate.