Social Security Warning
Fed chairman Alan Greenspan is warning the government to reduce social security benefits and cut military spending. The Bush administration is promising to solve both problems at once by drafting the elderly.


Top Reasons "The Passion" really is Anti-Semitic

-Judas betrays Jesus for a "really nice" corned beef sandwich and sour pickle

-Mary only upset during Crucifixion because Jesus looks so thin

-After Crucifixion, Jewish witnesses agree, "this is what you get for not calling your mother"

-While Jesus is tortured, elderly Jews in crowd can be heard insisting their arthritis is much more painful

-After Crucifixion, disciples convinced to file wrongful death lawsuit by Alan Dershowitz

-Wine served at Last Supper way too thick and sweet


Gibson's Dad Denies Jews are Funny

Insists Most "Seinfeld" bits written by Episcopalians


(Sydney, Australia) In a stunning rant, Mel Gibson's 85-year old father lashed out at Jews again in a radio interview to be broadcast later tonight.

"Everyone says, the Jews are so funny, they're so talented... it's all a hoax. Take Mel Brooks for instance, I mean even his biggest hit would be nothing without all those hilarious Nazis!"

Gibson also says he doubts most of the best sitcoms were really written by Jews.

"What self-respecting Jew would write some of those plots on "Seinfeld? It's pretty obvious these kinds of hit shows are really written by Gays... probably former Episcopalian Bishops."

Gibson did admit that "Mad About You" star Paul Reiser was "probably Jewish," but most Jewish leaders are taking little solace in that concession.