Kennedy Weight Loss
Reports say Senator Ted Kennedy has lost nearly 40 pounds, so that he'll look better while campaigning for John Kerry. But those reports are only half right; Kennedy really lost the weight so he'll look better while campaigning for John Kerry's interns.

Disney Muppet Deal
Disney is buying the Muppets from the Henson family. The Disney board will immediately put Elmo to work on an important job: gently explaining to Michael Eisner that it's time for him to get lost.

Let's Be Friends
Christina Aguilera has sent a letter to Britney Spears suggesting they stop feuding and become friends. But Spears is taking the gesture as an insult... because she can't read.

Bad Leak
German police say a truck carrying raspberry syrup sprang a leak that left a 25 mile sticky trail on a highway. It's the first time anyone's seen anything like it in Germany since President Clinton's motorcade traveled the Autobahn.

Space Discovery
A team of astrophysicists has detected a tiny galaxy that is the farthest known object from Earth. They've named it "Howard Dean's Chances."

Bremer Promise
Chief US administrator in Iraq Paul Bremer says he will reject any new constitution based on fundamentalist laws that limit women’s rights. While this is good news for Iraq's female population, it also means Bremer will have to renounce his U.S. citizenship.