NEWSDAY ALERT!!! I'm back in the "Punchlines" feature in Newsday today. See the link: Newsday


Kerry and Fonda
Republicans are hoping pictures of John Kerry with Jane Fonda at a 1970 anti-war rally will hurt his campaign. But the GOP is overlooking the much-more damaging photos of Kerry wearing leg warmers on Fonda's 1983 workout video.

Harvard Sex Mag
Harvard University has approved the publication of a student sex magazine, outraging many parents who call it obscene. But those parents already see something obscene from Harvard every semester - it's called the tuition bill.

Crowe Movie
"Dumb and Dumber" director Peter Farrelly says he would like to have Russell Crowe play Moe in a movie about the Three Stooges. Not because of his acting ability, but because who wouldn't want to see Crowe get poked in the eye and punched in the head 500 times?

Missing Candidate
Long-shot Russian presidential candidate Ivan Rybkin received a storm of media attention when he was reported missing for five days. After hearing the news, Dennis Kucinich immediately started hiding under his bed at the Milwaukee Howard Johnson's.