"The Passion" Attack
Several Rabbis are giving sermons attacking Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ." Reform Rabbis say the film could provoke Anti-Semitism, Conservative Rabbis say it isn't Biblically accurate, but the most compelling argument against the film comes from Orthodox Rabbi Moshe Rabinowitz who says: "$10.50 for a movie?... FEH!"

Passion Accident
During the filming of the Crucifixion scene, actor James Caviezel was struck by lightning. Evangelicals say the incident helped the actor suffer like Christ, critics say it shows the movie is a moral mistake, and Mel Gibson's father says it's proof of a new Jewish-controlled weather machine.


Schwarzenegger Decree
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is calling on San Francisco to stop issuing licenses for Gay marriages, saying they "pose an imminent threat to civil order." Top reasons why:

-Thousands of homosexuals flooding into California causing a dangerous run on theater tickets

-Longer waits at San Francisco City Hall inconveniencing "morally-correct" heterosexual couples rushing to get married before the bride goes into labor

-Evil "activist judges" spending too much time granting equal rights and not enough time granting illegal search warrants to John Ashcroft

-The wait for a Stairmaster in most Bay Area gyms is up to 25 minutes

-Impossible to find a decent hairstylist who isn't away on a Honeymoon right now