Tight Race
Commenting on the latest close polls in Iowa, Senator John Edwards says, "We're all so packed together now there is almost no difference between us." Edwards's comment isn't exciting voters very much, but it is convincing Congressman Barney Frank to get into the race.

Investing in Harvard
The IRS will now allow people to invest in Harvard University's endowment fund virtually tax free. Top things investors should expect from the fund:

-Fund will rise every time a student with perfect SAT's applies to the college

-BUT the fund will fall every time another Kennedy family member applies to the college


-Fund will rise every time Harvard is mentioned in US News and World Report

-BUT the fund will fall every time the Harvard is mentioned in Sports Illustrated


-Fund will rise every time Harvard alum Bill Gates makes a new product

-BUT fund will fall every time Harvard alum Mira Sorvino makes a new movie


-Fund will rise every time economists at Harvard Business School construct a new stock trading system

-BUT fund will fall every time the smarter folks at MIT hack into that system

Football Case
Two high school football players from Long Island were sentenced to four months in a juvenile center for torturing their younger teammates last summer. Legal experts say this should lead to heavy sentences for the Jets and Giants, who tortured their fans all year.

PMS Detector
A California inventor has created a method that helps a woman pinpoint the moment in her cycle when PMS is the worst... it's called "ask her husband."

NBC Schedule
NBC will launch its fall season three weeks early, right after its Summer Olympics coverage. The network hopes to compel viewers first by giving them the world's greatest athletes competing after a lifetime of training, and then showing them a bunch of dopes achieve the same fame in three seconds just for puking on "Fear Factor."