Drug Testing
The federal government says it will now test employee sweat for traces of illegal drugs. But the process is not expected to work, since no federal worker has been seen sweating on the job in 65 years.

Bogus Al Qaeda Reports
The FBI says it continues to get bogus phone calls accusing several people of being members of Al Qaeda. But experts say the only way to cut down on the phony reports is for the Bureau to stop taking calls from the White House.

Lopez Parties
Jennifer Lopez set off speculation this week when she was seen partying with her ex-boyfriend P. Diddy in Miami, while Ben Affleck was in Europe promoting his new movie. But experts say that just like the rest of us, Lopez gets an urge to celebrate every time Affleck leaves the country.

Broke PA
The Palestinian Authority is going broke and may not be able to pay its 125,000 workers, even though Yassir Arafat has amassed a $300 million fortune. But Arafat says he won't pay any salaries with his own money, because otherwise no one would opt for the Authority's popular suicide bomber/early retirement program.