NEWSDAY alert!! For the 7th week in a row, I'm in the "Punchlines" section in today's Newsday. Here's the link: Newsday


Bush Moon Mission
Top reasons President Bush wants to launch a new manned mission to the moon:

-Too stoned and drunk in '69 to remember the first one

-Pentagon has "hot" intelligence report saying that's where Osama, Saddam and the WMD are hiding

-Needs to scout sites for Halliburton's next taxpayer-funded and unnecessary $5 billion natural gas pipeline

-Wants to get an idea of what the Earth will look like after four more years of his environmental policies

-Thanks to several technological advances in the past 34 years, this time we won't have to fake the whole thing


Sir Mick
Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards is blasting band mate Mick Jagger for accepting a knighthood from Queen Elizabeth, saying "that's not what the Stones are about." Richards wants Jagger to focus on the goals more important to the band like denture care and Medicare Reform.