New Iraqi Government
Reports show that many Iraqis want someone who can help them set up a religious fundamentalist government. But the Bush administration is telling the Iraqis that John Ashcroft just isn't available for at least another year.

Bono on AIDS
U2 lead singer Bono says the U.S. can afford to spend more money in the fight against AIDS. Of course everyone can afford to spend more to fight AIDS thanks to U2, which stopped making music worth buying 12 years ago.

Maryland Dorm
The University of Maryland is spurring the entrepreneurial spirit of its undergrads by setting up a special dorm for students who want to form their own companies. Of course this is still the University of Maryland, so the only things the "entrepreneurs" have come up with so far is a prototype for a bigger beer funnel and a porn video store co-op.