Colonoscopy Delay
A new report shows that older Americans wanting a thorough screening for colon cancer often have to wait an entire year for a colonoscopy. But Medicare officials say it's all for the best, because getting the rules shoved up your ass is the best way to prepare for this particular procedure anyway.


TV Obesity
A new study shows kids who watch more TV are more likely to become obese. Experts say that's because these kids see more ads for junk food, spend less time exercising, and watch enough of the news to know that Michael Jackson leaves most fat kids alone.


World News Tonight
Peter Jennings begins hosting a special series on ABC News tonight called "How to Get Fat Without Really Trying." This is departure from the series he usually hosts, "How to Look Like a Real Reporter Without Really Trying."


College Football Mess
Despite its number one ranking in some polls, the University of Southern California can't win the national championship because of the NCAA's BCS bowl structure. But USC is working to fix the situation; from now on it's going to stop paying off all its players and start bribing the NCAA.