Bush Denial
President Bush says he had nothing to do with putting up the "Mission Accomplished" banner on the USS Abraham Lincoln when he declared the end of combat hostilities in Iraq back in April. Experts say the president is telling the truth, because if he HAD been responsible for the banner it would have said: "Mishun Akompliced."


Kobe Blasts Shaq
There's new trouble for the LA Lakers as Kobe Bryant is blasting Shaquille O'Neil. Bryant says O'Neil isn't much of a leader because he's overweight, won't play hurt, and doesn't provide any of his indicted teammates with decent alibis.


Love Charged
Singer and actress Courtney Love has been charged with illegal possession of the prescription painkillers hydrocodone and oxycodone. The judge in the case is opting for the strictest punishment for Love and fellow addict Rush Limbaugh by ordering them to share the same jail cell.