Kobe Returns
Basketball star Kobe Bryant was greeted with roaring cheers as he took the court last night in the Lakers first exhibition game. Experts say the fans in California treated him so warmly because after hearing that Kobe was accused of assaulting a woman, they thought he was their new governor.



Viagra Stunt
A group of 12 and 13-year old schoolboys in Britain were released from a London hospital after taking Viagra in class. Of course, a bunch of 12 and 13-year old boys need Viagra as much as... (Here are the Top 10 ways to finish that sentence):

-Liza Minnelli needs another drink

-a Quentin Tarantino movie needs more gratuitous violence

-Liza Minnelli needs boxing lessons

-The cubs need more fans diving for foul balls

-Liza Minnelli needs another tastycake

-Dennis Kozlowski needs another $6,000 shower curtain

-Liza Minnelli needs another freak show star for a husband

-Congress needs another pay raise, (oh wait, they ARE getting another pay raise)

-Ben and J. Lo need another engagement

-all of us need to read anymore stories about Liza Minnelli