Nobel Peace Prize Winner
Activist Shirin Ebadi has won the 2003 Nobel Peace Prize, and the $1 million that goes with it, for fighting for religious freedom and women's rights in Iran. That's the most money anyone's been paid for taking on a lost cause since the Mets hired that new manager last year.

Nukes to France
The U.S. government has asked the Nuclear Regulatory Commission for an export license to ship 300 pounds of weapons-grade plutonium to France. Top reasons why the U.S. is doing this:

-Okay, we didn't find the WMD... but if we give some to France they'll probably end up in some Arab country sooner or later

-Sure, we're sending them some plutonium... it'll be delivered in a launched ICBM

-What's the big deal? We've been sending the French our dangerous materials for years... didn't they take Jerry Lewis off our hands?

-France really deserves something back for supporting us so much over the years... just kidding!

-This is a quid pro quo... we send them nukes, they promise to get all the remaining Peugeots off U.S. roads by next year