Bush and the News
President Bush says he prefers to "get the news from objective sources, and the most objective sources I have are people on my staff." Insiders say the President actually does get a balanced view, because for every staffer who tells Bush what he wants to hear, there's another White House employee who's really tired of having to explain the comics to him every morning.


Bush at the UN
President Bush is at the United Nations this morning where he will deliver a 22-minute speech seeking support for his vision of postwar Iraq. Top things Bush could do that would go over much better at the UN:

-20 minute speech

-Instead of having the speech translated, pump a really cool U2 mix into those funky headphones

-10 minute speech

-Just smile, wave, and let Colin Powell do all the talking

-Agree to give French President Jacques Chirac the American pull-out he's really wanted all along... remove all the McDonald's from Paris


Passenger Law Suit
A group of passengers has sued JetBlue Airways Corp. for passing their personal information to a Defense Department contractor. But the Pentagon says the information was essential as it strives to answer the following vital National Security questions:

-Increased leg room, convenience or terrorist-enabler?

-Can very salty peanuts be used as a weapon?

-If you tell everybody beforehand that "Gigli" is the in-flight movie, will that stop potential hi-hijackers from boarding the plane in the first place?

-Who's tougher, a highly-trained commando unit, or 45 passengers who have been forced to wait on the tarmac for 12 hours?

-Who is more effective in the cockpit? An Iraqi air force officer, or the commercial pilot who just had 12 Mai Tais in the airport lounge?