Wesley Clark for President
New presidential candidate General Wesley Clark says he's not inexperienced on domestic issues because he "has the same concerns and experiences as every American citizen." Clark's biggest personal domestic concerns:

-At $2 a gallon, filling up his fleet of tanks every day is getting pretty rough

-Even he worries about keeping his kids well-armed enough to go to public school

-Sure he gets free medical care for life from the Army, but he has to put up with that wise-cracking Trapper John and Hawkeye Pierce every time he goes for a check-up

-It's so hard to find a make-up person who's willing to make him look good for his 35 daily appearances on CNN

-Getting regular work may be hard when the next president decides not to get us into a frivolous new war every year


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ABC expects the first few episodes of "8 Simple Rules" to grab huge ratings after the death of its star John Ritter. You know, if I were James Belushi or Damon Wayans, I'd be watching my back right about now.