Newsday Alert!!! For the sixth time in seven weeks, Newsday's "Punchlines" column is featuring my stuff! It's on page A35 in the city edition or see this link:
Newsday Link

Today's News

Abbas Demands
Prime Minister Mahmoud Abbas is demanding that the Palestinian Legislative Council give him more political power or he'll resign. Some of his other demands and complaints include:

-Gets paid less than the guy who shaves Yassir Arafat every morning... and that dude isn't even doing a good job!

-Always has to buy the kegs for the Palestinian Authority's monthly mixers with Hamas

-Can't get an official motorcade for any of his visits to Israel and has to take the bus

-Just because he's moderate now, most Palestinians seem to have forgotten about all the cool murders he committed in the past

-Even though he put his name on the "Do Not Call" list, he still gets phone solicitations from the Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade at dinner every night!


Bullying Study
A new report says there are 3.7 million students classified as "bullies" and 3.2 million students classified as "bullying victims" in US schools. To narrow this disturbing bullies-to-victims gap, US Secretary of Education Rod Paige is encouraging more schools to accept exchange students from France.


Estrada Drops Out
Conservative judicial nominee Miguel Estrada has removed his name from consideration after his nomination was held up for more than two years by Senate Democrats. Estrada says he's going back to private life not because of the political bitterness, but because he's really tired of people coming up to him and asking: "Hey, aren't you the guy who used to be on 'Chips?'