Storm Coming
Residents of low-lying areas on the East Coast are busy boarding up their homes and preparing to evacuate this morning... experts say they only have a few hours to get out safely before Peter Jennings and Dan Rather show up.

Grasso's Cash
Top reasons why former New York Stock Exchange Chairman Dick Grasso should return his $140 million salary:

-The best things in life are free... like the love between an ex-Enron executive and his cell mate

-It's not like he'll need the money to pay for an expensive hair stylist or anything

-Now that's he's resigned in disgrace from the financial world, he's sure to get a top job in the Bush administration

-Thanks to him, there aren't any safe places to invest that kind of money anyway

-At least now he'll have an excuse not to go to anymore of Martha Stewart's parties

-He just called Geico and saved a bundle on car insurance!


Cocaine Crop
Thanks to coca field eradication efforts in South America, the U.S. says the cocaine supply will be down by one third this year. The results will be higher drug prices. safer streets, and more movie roles for Robert Downey Jr.