Monday, March 12, 2007

Chrysler Recovery Plan
Chrysler is going to offer many of its hourly U.S. workers at select plants up to $100,000 to leave the company as part of its recovery plan. Another part of its recovery plan is a proposal to pay every American $100,000 to buy a Chrysler.

Sutherland in D.C.
"24" star Kiefer Sutherland is in Washington, D.C. this week to promote a documentary film. But most Americans are hoping he really makes himself useful during the visit and waterboard's the Congressmen responsible for moving Daylight Savings up three weeks.

Sutherland in D.C. II
"24" star Kiefer Sutherland is in Washington, D.C. this week to promote a documentary film. While he's there, Sutherland is also doing research on new methods of torture for his hit TV series by meeting with the people who schedule all those Congressional hearings.

Kiley Ousted
Lt. Gen. Kevin Kiley has lost his job as Army surgeon general... not because of the care scandal at Walter Reed Medical Center, but because he failed to fill out all the proper forms for his malpractice insurance.

Thompson in the Race?
Actor and former Republican U.S. Senator Fred Thompson says he's considering entering the 2008 presidential race. Thompson figures that as an outspoken conservative in Hollywood, he has a much better chance of winning the White House than an Oscar.

Halliburton Move
Democratic members of Congress are criticizing Halliburton for its new plan to move its headquarters and CEO to Dubai. But insiders say it's not clear what the Democrats are mad about, as they've been driving big American corporations out the U.S. for decades.

Hagel Holds Off
Senator Chuck Hagel said Monday that he is not jumping into the 2008 presidential race — for now — so he can concentrate on global concerns... particularly finding a place in the world where he can hide from the conservatives he's stabbed in the back over the last year.

Officer Shortage
Records show that the Army is facing a critical shortage of mid-level officers. Most of the military commanders figure that if they're going to spend their careers getting attacked by Congressional Democrats, they might as well do it while working in corporate America.

Miami Airport Booze
Officials at Miami International Airport say they have thousands of bottles of alcohol they've confiscated from passengers since October. They're not sure whether to throw them out, or just offer them to the people who have been waiting at the JetBlue departure gate since January.


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