Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Sports Delay
As a favor to several Republican Congressmen, the new Democratic leaders in the House agreed to postpone regular sessions until after the BCS College Football Championship. Democrats say they will expect the GOP to return the favor next month for the U.S. figure skating finals.

Kennedy Proposal
Senator Ted Kennedy has introduced legislation to require President Bush to get Congressional approval before sending more troops to Iraq. This is similar to the law that currently requires Ted Kennedy to take a breathalyzer test before he drives a car.

Terminology Battle
A new political battle started this week over the terms used to describe the additional troops being sent to Iraq, with the President calling it a "surge," Democrats calling it an "escalation", and everyone else calling it a "slaughter."

Bush Warning
President Bush warns that if America pulled its troops from Iraq, Saudi Arabia would look elsewhere for protection... you mean they might start paying off a different group of terrorists besides al Qaeda?

iPhone Advice
Apple's new iPhone is a cell-phone that contains an iPod, OS X operating system, Wi-Fi connection, camera, and can play full screen video. But experts say consumers shouldn't buy until next year when the price drops and the new iPhone nose-hair trimmer feature becomes available.

Iraqi Factories
A new effort to revitalize Iraqi factories that make fertilizer is at the center of President Bush's new plan for stabilizing Iraq. But there's little chance the Iraqis factories will be able to make a product as pure as the White House does.

Swank Boyfriend
Hilary Swank revealed in an interview this week that she is dating her agent, John Campisi. You'd think a two-time Oscar-winner wouldn't still need to sleep with her agent... but I guess you never know.

Fat Parents
A new study shows that adults with children tend to eat more than grown-ups in kid-free homes. Well, why should all that ice cream go to waste?!?

New Business Award
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has announced a new award to single out the U.S. company that does the most to improve America's image abroad. The first award should go to the company that fixes her teeth.

New Business Award II
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has announced a new award to single out the U.S. company that does the most to improve America's image abroad. Too bad the award will have to go to the porn movie studios every year.

New Rules
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is banning a cherished privilege of some lawmakers, the right to smoke near the floor of the House. Oh great! Next thing you know, she'll won't let Congressmen screw their interns in the office.

Larry King Milestone
CNN is planning to celebrate Larry King's 50 years in broadcasting. They'll do that by making sure every episode of "Larry King Live" continues to feel like it lasts 50 years.

Still-Approved Graduate Courses for Charedi Women

10) Principles of Economics I: 8 kids on $3-a-day

9) Physics: Your Rabbi vs. the Immovable Object

8) Advanced Sheitl-Weaving

7) The Welfare State... and How to Collect From it

6) Panhandling 101

5) Architecture 404: How to Build a Home out of a Leftover Matzo

4) Psychology 303: The Insanity of Living with no Income

3) Cartography 202: Where to Find Your Local Soup Kitchen

2) Creative Writing: How to Fake a Mortgage Application

1) Political Science: Democratic Rights & Why You'll Never Have Any


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