Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Gates the Richest
Bill Gates made another $5 billion last year and is now worth $59 billion. With that kind of money, he could afford to run the Postal Service for a whole week!

The House failed to pass a continuing budget patch last night. The bill was too expensive for lots of Republicans and not expensive enough for the Democrats... so the only way it'll pass now is if they add in a big new pay raise for themselves.

Chicago Union Deal
A former Chicago union leader is getting a $158,000 annual pension from the city just for one day of work for the local government. Of course, he earned it since he spent that one day running the city's Cubs fan suicide hotline.

"Kids" Covered
Thanks to Obamacare, the government says about 1 million 19 to 25-year-olds now have health insurance. Also thanks to Obamacare, about 10 million 26 to 40-year-olds now live with their parents.

Bloody Sunday Payments
The British government will pay compensation to relatives of victims of the 1972 "Bloody Sunday" shootings in Northern Ireland. But those of us still suffering because of all the U2 songs about the incident will get nothing.

September 22nd

1789: The office of United States Postmaster General is established. Everyone there immediately goes on break.

1862: A preliminary version of the Emancipation Proclamation is released. This version only freed slaves who agreed never to make rap music.

1991: The Dead Sea Scrolls are made available to the public for the first time by the Huntington Library... but most people lose interest when they learn there are no nude pictures of Adam and Eve.


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