Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Busted Gov
Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick was caught driving his Cadillac SUV yesterday after urging people to observe "car free week." This, after he has repeatedly been caught being incompetent during "no idiots in office" month.

No Fur
West Hollywood's city council has approved a ban on fur. Now activists on streets will have to throw fake blood at people who don't have enough Prada.

Busted Program
The government now admits that it's latest $1 billion program to help homeowners will not meet its goal of helping 30,000 homeowners avoid foreclosure. But that money will sure help about 30,000 useless federal employees get another raise this year.

Beer Buy
SABMiller is buying Australian brewer Foster's for $10 billion. That's $9 billion for the company and $1 billion for the right to kill Paul Hogan.

Poll Pain
A new poll shows 8 in 10 Americans believe the economy is getting worse. The other 2 say standing in the unemployment line is almost as fun as waiting for the new iPhone.

September 21st

1780: Benedict Arnold gives the British the plans to West Point. To the French, he gives the plans to the local brothel.

1827: Joseph Smith, Jr. is reportedly visited by the angel Moroni, who gives him a set of gold plates. Luckily, all those "cash for gold" places were closed that day.

1937: J. R. R. Tolkien's The Hobbit is published... rendering every boy who reads it undateable for the next 74 years.


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