Monday, September 19, 2011


Travolta Robbed
Somedbody stole John Travolta's $100,000 1970 vintage Mercedes over the weekend. There's no word on if it's the same guy who convinced him to take that role in "Hairspray."



Crime Falls
The FBI says violent crime fell another 6% last year. It turns out the nation's top thugs were too busy counting their stimulus money to kill anyone.



Chavez's Gold
Venezuela's Hugo Chavez is ordering all his country's miners to sell him all their gold. It's all part of an insane competition he's having with Scrooge McDuck.



Palestinian State?
The Palestinians are expected to declare statehood at the UN this week. The new nation will be dedicated to Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Blowing up Jews.



Downloading Case
A court has ruled that music fan Joel Tenenbaum owes the record companies $675,000 for illegal downloads. The music industry plans to use the money to throw itself a lavish funeral.




September 20th


1519: Ferdinand Magellan sets sail from SanlĂșcar de Barrameda with about 270 men... and three VERY nervous sheep.


1854: British and French troops defeat Russians in the Crimea... leading to the new term for losers "Crimea River."


1982: The National Football League players begin a 57-day strike. The business for DWI defense attorneys falls apart.

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