Afghan Speech
President Obama will reveal his plan for withdrawing from Afghanistan tonight. The plan should work, since he's already very adept at putting thousands of people out of a job.



Kids are Bad
Al Gore now says women need to have fewer children to curb pollution! He's right... just think how much pollution we could have avoided if Gore's mom had her tubes tied before he was born!



Docked Pay
California's state legislators will continue not being paid until they pass a budget. This could be a problem because withholding pay from workers is illegal, but no California politician do any work anyway.



Obama Economy
44% of Americans say they are worse off than they were when President Obama took office in 2009... but the White House says it won't be satisfied until 100% of us feel that way.



Home Sales
The good news is that 30% of home buys last month were all-cash deals... the bad news is the buyers were only using euros.




June 22nd



1633: The Holy Office in Rome forces Galileo to recant his view that the Sun is the center of the Universe. It also makes him recant his view that Diet Dr. Pepper really does taste more like regular Dr. Pepper.



1976: The Canadian House of Commons abolishes capital punishment… thus encouraging more and more people to murder members of the Canadian House of Commons.



1990: Checkpoint Charlie is dismantled in Berlin. It is now a bigger sign of oppression because it’s been converted to an overpriced gift shop with a Starbucks.