Corzine's Plans
New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine says he doesn't know what he's going to do once he leaves office in January. That's not a surprise because he didn't know what he was doing when he was in office either.



Buffett & Gates
Warren Buffett and Bill Gates appeared at a town hall event yesterday and said the recession is over. That's because they're now hiring all the remaining unemployed Americans as their slaves.



Academic Mugging?
More Americans are protesting that too much money is being diverted from college academics and being used for sports programs. College athletes are responding by saying that it all evens out in the end because none of them go to class anyway.




Goldman Sachs Party Banned
Goldman Sachs has canceled any plans for an in-house holiday party, but the firm will allow off-site celebrations this year. So look for a big bash this Christmas in a row of foreclosed homes near you.



9/11 Trials in New York?
9/11 mastermine Khalid Sheikh Mohammed will be sent to New York to face trial in a civilian federal court. To get out of jury duty, Manhattan residents can claim that if they convict they'll never be able to get a cab again.



British Justice for Tots
A British judge has ruled that a 3-year-old boy hit by another toddler can claim compensation from a government body that helps crime victims. But there's no word yet on whether the National Health Service will help the boy with the nasty case of cooties he contracted from one of the girls in his kindergarten.






November 13th



1775: In the American Revolutionary War, U.S. forces under Col. Ethan Allen attack Montreal in hopes of setting up an overpriced chain of furniture stores.


1985: Xavier Suarez is sworn in as Miami, Florida's first Cuban-born mayor... but the city is still effectively controlled by Tony Montana.


1994: In a referendum, voters in Sweden decide to join the European Union. Now, everyone in the European Union gets lower prices on Sweden's top two exports: Volvos and suicide.