Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Dobbs Quits
Lou Dobbs has abrubtly quit his show on CNN. He's decided to help protect America by filling in the gaps on the border fence with his fat ass.

Dobbs Quits II
Lou Dobbs abrubtly quit his show on CNN last night. This would be news if anyone in fact watched Lou Dobbs' show on CNN.

Dobbs Quits III
Lou Dobbs abrubtly quit his show on CNN last night. He's expected to take some time off to learn how to speak the English language.

IEA Oil Forecast
The International Energy Agency now says it expects next year's oil demand to surge higher than previously expected. That's because more Americans are expected to use oil to burn down their houses for the insurance money.

Warnings on Hasan
It turns out a group of doctors overseeing Nidal Malik Hasan's medical training discussed concerns about his overly zealous religious views months before Hasan's shooting rampage at Ft Hood. Those doctors are scheduled to be executed for their religious intolerance at noon today.

Geithner Strong Dollar
Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner is currently in Asia, assuring the Pacific Rim nations that he favors a strong dollar policy. He's also telling them he's 6"5 and dating Taylor Swift.

Cheerleader Danger
The Consumer Product Safety Commission says cheerleading is by far the most dangerous high school girls' sport in America. This is partly due to risky tumbles and jumps, but mostly because of middle-aged men who only come to high school football games to ogle the cheerleaders.

November 12th

1892: William "Pudge" Heffelfinger becomes the first professional American football player on record. We set a special precedent by taking money to play in a game and then got arrested for domestic abuse.

1922: The Sigma Gamma Rho sorority is founded at Butler University. Sigma Gamma Rho is Greek for "too slutty for Notre Dame."

1936: The San Francisco – Oakland Bay Bridge opens to traffic. It is the first and last time traffic actually moved across the bridge.


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