AIG Chief Quitting
New AIG CEO Robert Benmosche says he's ready to quit because of new government restrictions on executive salaries. If he's going to waster the taxpayers money, it might as well be at least $25 million.



Clinton on the Hill
Bill Clinton came to Capitol Hill yesterday an made a powerful argument for health care reform... reminding every member of Congress that a public option would pay for all of their mistresses' abortions.



Doorbuster Precautions
After last year's trampling death at a "Black Friday" Walmart doorbuster sale on Long Island, New York state is taking steps to prevent a similar incident this year... mostly be making sure no one in New York has enough money to buy anything anyway.



NBA Cutbacks
Most NBA teams are economizing this season, doing everything from using cheaper half-time entertainment to reducing their roster size. No word yet on whether it's bad enough for the teams to dismiss all their in-house tattoo artists.



Florida Red Light Cams
Florida police are trying to raise money for the cash-strapped state by installing red light cameras in several cities. The only trouble is that most of the drivers in Florida are elderly women who stop at green lights.





November 11th


1675: Gottfried Leibniz demonstrated integral calculus for the first time, this ruining the curve for everyone else in Germany.



1918: World War I ends as Germany signs an armistice agreement with the Allies. All sides immediately start working on the sequel.


1967: In a propaganda ceremony three American prisoners of war are released by the Viet Cong and turned over to antiwar activist Tom Hayden. After five minutes of listening to him speak, the former prisoners ask to be returned to their cells.


1992: The Church of England votes to allow women to become priests. There is still no word on when the COE will ordain real men.