Ford Safety Breakthrough
Ford is rolling out a new technology that will improve the safety of rear-seat passengers: inflatable seat belts. Meanwhile, GM and Chrysler workers are rolling an old technology that will improve the safety of their union benefits: inflatable campaign donations.



Yanks Win!
The Yankees won their 27th world title with a 7-3 win over the Phillies last night. Ticket prices for bleacher seats will now be $25,000 per game.



Sex Amnesia
Doctors have discovered a form of temporary amnesia that strikes people over 50 right after they have sex. They have also discovered a form of permanent amnesia that strikes people who have sex with Rosie O'Donnell.



Robot Aides
More and more elderly people in Japan are using robots to help them get around. The only trouble is the robots are more life-like than most Japanese people.



Maine Reaction
Gay rights advocates are looking past Maine's repeal of its gay marriage law. Now the rights groups are making the radical move of focusing on states where gay people actually want to live.






November 5th

1862: In Minnesota, 303 Dakota warriors are found guilty of rape and murder of whites and are sentenced to hang. 38 are ultimately executed; the others are reprieved, but forced to play college lacrosse.


1967: The Hither Green rail crash in the United Kingdom kills 49 people. The survivors include Bee Gee Robin Gibb. Oh, we came so close.


1995: André Dallaire attempts to assassinate Prime Minister Jean Chrétien of Canada. He is thwarted when the Prime Minister's wife reminds him that there was a hockey game on TV.