B of A CEO Search
The Bank of America board says it's having a tough time finding a new CEO. It turns out all the best candidates are in jail.



World Series Tix
Tickets for tonight's game one of the World Series at Yankee Stadium are selling for as much as $5,000. This can only mean one thing: bonuses this year at Goldman Sachs and AIG are going to have to be boosted by 275%.



Agassi Meth
Andre Agassi now admits he used crystal meth in the 90's. That explains the dropoff in his tennis game, and why he dated Barbara Streissand.



Pilots Punished
The FAA has revoked the licenses of the two Northwest Airlines pilots who overshot the the runway in Minneapolis by 150 miles while they were on their laptop computers. The two pilots have been reassigned to Amtrak.



GMAC Bailout
GMAC needs another taxpayer bailout to the tune of $5.6 billion. That's $1 billion to bolster the company and $4.6 billion in bonuses for all the failed executives.





October 28th

312: Battle of Milvian Bridge: Constantine I defeats Maxentius when only he has exact change for the toll.


1636: The Massachusetts Bay Colony votes to establish Harvard University... it was either that, or create a special prison for all the colony's overly arrogant and annoying people.


1965: The Second Vatican Council absolves the Jews of allegedly killing Jesus, but newly indicts them for selling overpriced electronics equipment.