Election Day
All three of the candidates President Obama campaigned for this fall could go down to defeat today... proving once again that the constitutional right to vote is inherently racist.



Stimulus Job Inflation
A USA Today report finds that the White House is claiming thousands of stimulus jobs were created for just $1,500 per job. Either the government is hiring some of Eliot Spitzer's hookers by the hour, or something is wrong.



College Salaries
23 U.S. college presidents now make more than $1 million per year. Considering the numbers of students they get to pay $40k per year in tuition for useless degrees, they should either go to jail or make the really big bucks on Wall Street.




Bloomberg Election Spending
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg is spending $35,000 per hour on his re-election campaign. $35,000 per hour just to save ONE job? The people in the White House can't believe how much money Bloomberg is saving!



MIT Star
MIT running back DeRon Brown is the most unique player in college football... not because he's averaging 170 yards per game, but because he's the only running back who can calculate his own stats.



Cereal Claims
Critics are blasting Kellogg's claim that its cereals can boost immunity. They're also questioning the company's assertion that it is saving millions of children's lives every day by now longer stuffing each cereal box with choking hazard toys.




November 3rd

1783: The American Continental Army is disbanded. Each of the leading generals starts working on a solo album.

1913: The United States introduces an income tax... or as Steve Forbes calls it, "The Holocaust."

1942: The Second Battle of El Alamein ends as German forces under Erwin Rommel are forced to retreat during the night. This would be Rommels greatest humiliation until he is portrayed in a lousy Tom Cruise movie 66 years later.