Jacko Funeral
Michael Jackson was finally laid to rest yesterday at Forest Lawn Cemetery, 10 weeks after his death. His family had to delay the funeral until his latest nose died.

The funeral was held at night, so most of Jackson's co-stars from the "Thriller" video could attend.



Wildfire Ruled an Arson
Officials say arsonists are responsible for the massive fire that has charred more than 147,000 acres near Los Angeles. That means the only people doing more damage to California are the folks in the state legislature.



Wolf Hunt
For the first time in decades, the hunting of the gray wolf is legal again in the United States. Conspiracy theorists says this is all because of the power three little pigs lobby.



Missing Sex Offenders
Arizona police say they have no idea where to find several convicted sex offenders. But authorities are not worried because the pereverts will probably show up soon on Dateline NBC.



Rhode Island Furloughs Spiked
Government workers unions in Rhode Island have won a court battle against mandatory furloughs. The state employees successfully proved that furloughs are unneccessary since they already do nothing all day at work.




Year-Round School
Year-round school programs across the country are reportedly getting "mixed grades." Parents, teachers and administrators say they're great... but for some reason, kids hate them.






September 4th

476: The Roman Empire officially falls as Romulus Augustus is deposed as emperor for trying to introduce government-run health care.


1781: Los Angeles, California is founded by Spanish settlers.


1781: First-ever traffic jam is reported. In Los Angeles.


1886: Apache leader Geronimo ends his military resistance to the United States, and begins focusins his efforts on protesting American sports teams with Native American nicknames.


1998: Google, the most popular search engine ever, is founded by Larry Page and Sergey Brin... they both still don't find dates until 2003.